he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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