all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I just sharted jello shots
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
