her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
