Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
