she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
