Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
