I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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