i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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