Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
