Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
