Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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