Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
