Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
