for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
