her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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