I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
