weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We named our party play list daddy issues
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
