my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
