Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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