I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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