in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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