I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
