We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
