In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
