Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Randomize
