you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
