do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hippo gnu deer
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
