And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
