woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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