I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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