why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
