dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
they need to just BURY HIM!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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