you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
