Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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