Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
