In the future we'll all be gay
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
