Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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