I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
