i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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