Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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