i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
