Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
