UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
