I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
