He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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