I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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