whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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