My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
