U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
