haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
