Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
